I wasn’t raised in a church, and certainly didn’t lament this decision; friends who had to be picked up early on Sunday after spending the night found no envy from me. My parents- raised in low-intensity Christian households- were lax churchgoers in their younger lives; they were married in a church but had few close ties to it. When the time came to decide whether they’d impose religion upon their offspring, they declined to do so.

I liked the idea of believing in god when I was young, but beyond that didn’t give it much thought. I was more prone to telling wishes to my worry dolls and leaving them under my pillow than turning to prayer. In high school, I realized that the whole concept of religion didn’t make sense to me. By college, I was certain there was no creator.

Some people might think my absence of faith molded me into a heartless heathen; some might even accuse my parents of denying me a relationship with god- neither is true. My life is guided by a set of values that I think anyone would agree are fair and decent: I’m a loving sister, daughter, and girlfriend who values kindness and endeavors to treat others with respect. I’m also certain that regardless of my parents’ decision, by virtue of who I am I would’ve come to the same conclusion about religion, so their actions are without fault.

Whether or not you agree with my standpoint is immaterial. If others choose to believe in a deity, I have no desire to take that away from them. I am not here to debate truth and reality, as there’s no end to that maelstrom; I’m here only to comment on my experience as a nonbeliever during the holiday season and to enlighten anyone who thinks it means nothing to me.

What I have chosen to believe clearly does not exactly jibe with the Reason for the Season. This wasn’t something I ever found particularly hypocritical until my boyfriend, a long-lapsed Catholic, brought it to my attention. When he gave up religion, he gave up everything that went along with it- including Christmas. As a result, he thinks it’s silly for non-religious families to participate in Christmas. This is a sentiment that I understand, but do not entirely agree with- it’s a logical conclusion, but not a necessary one. Having spent each December 25th of my life gathered around a Christmas tree with my immediate family, I’m not inclined to forfeit the tradition, rational though it may be to do so- and the reason is that while Christmas holds absolutely no religious meaning for me personally, I very much enjoy it on a social scale.

Heresy, right? Not quite. Just because I don’t celebrate Jesus’ birthday doesn’t mean I don’t still enjoy the holiday and hold it up as a unique occasion to gather with loved ones. It doesn’t mean that the whole extended, secular family doesn’t come over to exchange gifts, have dinner, and enjoy each others’ company, and it certainly doesn’t mean that I’m devoid of morals or have a spiritual hole in my life. This time of year is important and special to us, even if we don’t sing hymns- the scope may be a little bit different, but the main ingredients are still there. It’s the one day a year that nearly everything shuts down and we spend the day lazing about near the fireplace, drinking coffee with Bailey’s and enjoying our new sweaters. And leading up to that day, everyone is so damned nice. People are more prone to get along with each other at this time of year, and how is THAT not worth the celebration?

It’s like Garfield said: “It’s not the giving. It’s not the getting. It’s the loving.” I’m on board with that sentiment 100%, and even without a supreme being to guide my way, there’s plenty of love given and received among my family at Christmas.

By the way, I have no desire to campaign for calling Christmas trees “holiday trees” in an attempt to make everyone feel warm and fuzzy. That’s a load of crap to me, watering down belief systems for public consumption- there are too many different facets of society to be able to please every one of them, so just call the damn thing what it is. Inclusion of everyone doesn’t work on this scale, and to force it just pisses off the people who are having their traditions stepped on.

So I hope that those of you celebrating next week with Jesus’ birthday in mind aren’t bothered that plenty of us have co-opted the holiday with little religious basis, but as far as the spirit of the season goes, we’re right there with you cherishing our family and friends. Have a merry Christmas, whatever you believe in.

Rose McMayhem